A call from the little man!

K's last day of school with us!

K moved out of our house on December 6th.  We bustled out the door to Haiti to meet our daughters on a two week visit.  We came home from Haiti to a house that seemed extra quiet.  We'd just left our daughters in Haiti, and K's room was sitting empty.  It was a lot of emotions to process!

A bright spot in our toddler free holiday was a phone call from K. I make a point of getting along with parents when their kids are in our house.  It just makes things easier.  Usually I'm successful, so when K moved out, his Mom said she'd keep in touch.  To be honest, most parents say that....and almost no one ever does.

When we got back from Haiti, I sent a quick text to say Merry Christmas, and much to my surprise we got a call the next day!

And just like that I find myself the one on the other side of the phone.  I'd been supervising/coordinating calls between K and his Mom.  I am one happy lady that I; kept all those appointments, let K talk for as long as he wanted, and was friendly with his Mom.  Because now I'm happy that she let's him call and that he can talk for as long as he wants.

We miss K dearly.  The house is really quiet.  But chatting with him now and then really helps.

He seems to be doing well....but it's hard to get good info from a 4 year old :)

And just like that, it's the end of one of the best foster placements we've had.  We miss you K!

I think today is the day...

This has been a crazy week in foster parent land.

Three different dates have been discussed for K's possible return home. Today, end of next week, and after Christmas. Each suggested date comes with a whole new set of planning.  We've reworked our plan quite a few times this week!

At five o'clock last night, a worker left a message on my phone to say that today will likely be the day.

So we've packed up the toys, folded the cute little shirts into boxes, and started to say our goodbyes.

This sweet man has been pure sunshine and we will all miss him dearly. Even the teenage boys in the house have been sappy and cuddly.

Click here for a video of his lullaby, and in the spirit of confidentiality, we're rocking it like Star Wars. It doesn't loose any of the cute factor.

We've been given the privilege of loving, and with love comes a good-bye that stings.

Edited to add:  K did go home that afternoon.  He'd spent just under two months with us. We were pretty sure he'd be moving that day, so we picked up all the boys at lunch (K and our boys). We wanted to have one last nice afternoon together. We got a call at 2pm that he'd be picked up around 3pm.

We had one last hour with him to wrestle, sing our favorites, and say goodbye.

K's Mom, uncle, and worker came to the house to pick him up. It was a quick exit, and within 10 minutes the car was loaded, hugs had been given, and they were off.  The next day we bustled out the door to Haiti for two weeks.

Being a foster parent is not for the weak of heart. You sign up to love and nurture a child who is smack dab in the middle of a traumatic event. If I had to put a number to it, I'd say well over 75% of our placements have been hard. Hard to live with, hard to be nice to, hard to get through the day with.  So having this easy, sweet boy with us came as a surprise. We miss his easy laugh, his hilarious sense of humor, we miss singing about vegetables at dinner, we just miss him.

Broken Families Aren't Easy for Kids

Perhaps I'm feeling over emotional because our adoption has moved so much this week, and I've spent so much time thinking about family....but I don't think so.

Some days it's really hard to watch kids in foster care struggle through being away from their family.  They don't control one single variable in the situation, they just have to ride the wave of what's happening and cope with it.

Even if their family is broken.  Even if their foster family loves them and provides stability and routine.  Kids aren't designed to be away from their family and it can really stress them out.

Our little guy seems to be coping with the stress by planking.  I have no idea where the behaviour came from (he sure hasn't seen us planking...ever), but that's what he's doing.  It's better than temper tantrums anyway.

One cute story:
K is usually pretty worried about the menu for dinner.  While we are cooking he hovers to check out what will be served.  Not surprisingly his biggest concern is the vegetables.  Steve likes to 'torture' K by telling him we're eating chicken beaks, elephant trunks and dog brains.
One night last week carrots were the vegetable of choice for supper.  K dug his heels in and wasn't going to eat them.  There is no way I'm doing vegetable battles when life is so unsettled for K, but I also don't want to back off being a parent.  He needs me to be predictable and reliable.  So I gave him a choice, you can eat your carrots, or you can have a piece of lettuce from the salad.  He looked at Steve and said, "Can I have a chicken beak?"  Zero vegetables were eaten by K that night.

I think K will head home in the next week, but there isn't a guarantee that that's what will happen.  And just to make it a little more interesting, the older kids will be watching K this week because Steve and I are gone for a conference.  And then we're headed to Haiti for 2 weeks.  Nothing like a little lack of routine to help a kid through a tough time.

A day in court

Today was the day that K's case went to court.  I waited all day for a phone call from a worker, but didn't get one.

So, my guess is K is not going home today.

His Mom called tonight and let me know what happened in court.  I 'm not sure if the info was 100% reliable, but perhaps K will go home in the next few days.

I hope a worker calls tomorrow to fill me in.  Sheesh, what's a girl gotta do to get some information around here.  Seriously, a phone call only takes 90 seconds.

I'm not too torn up about it, it's an extra day or two for us to enjoy this little guy.

Quick Update :)

I had planned to sit down and write a post about K on Thursday night, and then we got super busy with our adoption.  So, for those of you who are interested in this little guy's story I'll give you a quick update.

I was going to let you know that K has been in a bit of a melt down mode.  The kids like to say he's like Smeagol/Gollum.  Just imagine how a 4 year old would do a Lord of the Rings impression, and throw in some tears.  That's a K melt down.

His Mom has been talking to him a lot about the possibility that he might go home this week, and it's got K in a dither.  His poor little self can't take the stress.  We're working on damage control.  And not worrying about a lot of things that aren't make or break it.

It's also looking like he may not go to his kin home next week, it may be the week after.

For a while, I was hoping for the extra week with us (I know, that's rotten and selfish...but there it is folks, I can be rotten and selfish), but now I hope he goes home this week.

Steve, Nathan and I are heading to Haiti on December 7th for our adoption (see my other blog :) and this has turned into a whirlwind of a week, and I feel bad that K is here during such a chaotic time.  Even though it's happy chaos, it's extra emotions for him...and he already wasn't coping well.

He's being doing a new thing lately...planking.  You know, lying you your stomach and lifting your head and feet?   Yup, it seems to be related to being stressed out, but I'm not sure, perhaps I'm reading too much into this?  I have found him planking quite a few times this week.  In the front hallway, in his bedroom.  The kid's going to have abs of steel.

Ok...gotta go, I'll let you know what happens in court this week.

A thing about paper towels...

K has a weird thing with noises.  Any big noise gets him a little worked up.  Unexpected noise is the worst, but even predictable noises are enough to scare him.  

So, he doesn't like hand dryers in public bathrooms, and asks to use the paper towels.

I think somewhere in his 4 year old mind, he mixed up an aversion to the hand dryers with a love for paper towels.  And we have been on a paper towel odyssey ever since.  

Every office we visit, every time we go to church, he asks to go to the bathroom, and asks if they have paper towels.  He talks about the dispensers, likes to talk about the colour of the paper towel.....you get the idea.

This has given rise to two entertaining stories :)

Last week I took K to an early morning appointment.  As soon as we arrived at the office he asked, "Is there a bathroom?  Does it have paper towels?"  He'd gone to the bathroom right before we left, so I knew he didn't have to go, and said, "We're not going to the bathroom".  (He can hold his pee for hours and hours...)  He asked again, "Is there a bathroom? Does it have paper towels?".  I said, "Yes, there's a bathroom, it probably has paper towels, but we're not going, you just went".  He looked at me, with a straight face and said, "I have a problem."

Love it.  Such ingenuity :)  I didn't let him go to the bathroom immediately, but we did go to the bathroom before we left.  Creativity shouldn't go unrewarded.

And the love for paper towels continues....

Yesterday K spilled his drink at the table.  I asked him to go grab a towel to clean it up.  He said, "I'll get a paper towel".  I asked him to get the towel that was hanging on the stove.  He walked to the stove but couldn't find it.

In this photo, you'll see K looking longingly at the paper towels.  Unable to find the towel on the stove

So I asked him to take a step closer and put out his left hand. (He's pretty good at left and right :)

The left hand went behind the back...he still couldn't find the towel.

I asked him to take a step closer, and to put out his left hand.  His left hand stayed behind his back, but he did put out his right hand in a half hearted attempt to trick me.  He still couldn't see the towel.  He asked for a paper towel to clean up the mess.

I carefully described the towel, white, with a goose on it, green stripes, red outline.... he couldn't see it.... he still needed a paper towel... (do you love that you can see him looking at it here?)

The left hand was starting to sneak out in this photo...after he touched it, he could find it.  He was a little disappointed though, no paper towel needed.

This stuff cracks me up.  You will be impressed to know that I didn't laugh outloud.  You should also be very impressed that I thought to grab my phone and take these pics.  Or else you wouldn't believe that for over 60 seconds K stood inches away from a towel that he couldn't see.

All for the love of paper towels.

Oh ya....and today he asked to use the hand dryer at church.  (Just to keep me guessing :)

An update from the country

There is a hard and fast rule about kids in care, and the rule is....no two placements will ever be the same.  There isn't a step by step order that things will take.  Each story unfolds differently. K's is unfolding quickly, and I feel like we are in the last chapters of our story with him.  

One of the options for kids who can't be cared for by their parents is to go into a 'kin' placement. A placement with a family member.  That is what the CAS is considering for K.

So in two weeks the CAS will present the idea to a judge, and the judge will most likely agree with the plan.  It's very likely K will be leaving our home in the next little bit.

It's a big deal for a little kid to move, and normally I'd do a lot of prep work with them to be sure they were ready to go.  

But this move is a little different, because there is a chance that not everything will be in place, or the judge will see something he wants added to the plan, and K could stay with us for a little longer.

Whenever I talk to K about it, I have to talk about it two ways.  You might or might not be moving in two weeks.  I don't want to build up his hopes for something that isn't 100%, but I also don't want to say good-bye in an hour.  (If the judge agrees with the kin placement, K could move the same afternoon).

My plan is to work on a 'life book' (which is an expectation if you're a foster parent) and have it ready to go with him if he moves.  Something with pictures of his time with us, and a little note from everyone to say goodbye.  Then if we don't the time for good closure, he'll have something to look at that says good-bye.

And then we just enjoy each little moment with him until then.  We knew for sure that K would only be with us for a while when he came, but this is faster turnaround than normal.  And to be honest, it has been easy to thoroughly enjoy to having him here with us, and that rarely happens.  

Sure there are moments of joy in every placement, but sometimes they are far and few between.  This time they hit us right between the eyes.   This time the difficult part will be the goodbye.